I don’t know about any other mummas but I certainly feel like I’ve lost my ‘me’ since becoming a Mum. I mean 4 months post partum it is creeping back, slowly, but it’s not quite here yet. Probably helps that Quinn is gaining more independence so I get a few extra 10 minute slots to get myself ready. Those first few weeks were definitely pyjamas only dress code only and make up wasn’t a forethought. I like comfort, but also to look good. My style has always been a cross between an ever-long emo and an English teacher.
I still have my mum pouch and I’m trying to accept it, it’s where Quinn sits and where he lays and cuddles. I’m just slowly adapting to the change. I mean, I adored being pregnant, I loved my bump and styling it. I felt beautiful.
I often get sad when I see my pouch but it’s a constant reminder of my boys home, those first flutters, those 8pm kicks when I showered – it’s now where he rests on me. I thought I would ‘bounce back’ because other people did but we’re all different. I naively thought becauase I was slim before that it’d be ok. Over Christmas I wasn’t happy with what I wore because I had to cover ‘my belly’ and I had ‘nothing to wear’. Anything that showcased my gut made me sad and I really need to stop berating myself over the miracle of pregnancy and the changes my body has taken. It took nine months to grow, it may take nine months to shrink. Or it may never at all. I’ve made it my mission to do something about it, start loving it or stop moaning. Sitting on my arse eating a bar of dairy milk won’t achieve anything. Continuing on from my new year’s post, another goal is to stop being my own enemy. To learn to love my body the way it is, not mourn for the way it was.